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You're so sweet, you can have my baby's arm for free :) But actually my brilliant cyber-sleuthing yesterday took me to this website pretty early on, and the closest city to mine (mine is not featured in their directory, bizarrely - despite all the stoned plumbers) is only about half an hour's...

The other day a pipe exploded inside the house so I called a plumber at random (Googled plumbers in the area). The bloke who turned up was one stage beyond mashed (you know, that stage when you can't stop laughing at a crack in the wall). He kept running to his van to get a wrench and returning...

I've kinda forgotten actually. But I'll improvise. It's given me a new purpose to my life.

The medicine man! I'm still busy posting irrelevant posts so I can PM you. I've broken through the Shame Barrier and would happily post my exact location by now, only I'm a bit worried that the local anti-herbalists might be on red alert after all my suspicious loitering yesterday, and are...

But mine is special. It makes baklava, for a start.

It's pure chauvinism, that's what it is. People see a woman loitering hopefully in a seedy area and they think "soliciting". Then they clock the brat handcuffed to a nearby bench and think "no thanks." If every mother had unrestricted access to herbal medication, there'd be a lot fewer cases of...

Good ole barter system ;) You got any use for my right arm as well?

Just snorted coffee all over my monitor. Ah man, first belly-laugh of the week :D As for baklava... Actually it's not that impossible to make yourself. The only tricky bit is the tissue-thin pastry and you can get that ready-made. I'll send you a batch next time I go into a cooking frenzy.

lol actually you got it in 5 :) Yorkshire (well, part of it). Is it just me or has English rain shrunk? The raindrops themselves, I mean. I'm sure they never used to be so sneaky, halfhearted and irritatingly tiny. I have many fond memories of getting soaking wet in the rain - luckily for me I...

Anyway, me going into hibernation for tonight. Nice talking to you guys. You all now hold the dubious title of being my first UK acquaintances since I got here. T-shirts available on request.

Scotland would be cool. I love Scotland. Scotland is proper north. This is just basically the bit of England they send people out of spite, I think. I picked it because I found a gorgeous house with a gorgeous garden for a really good price. Now I know why the price was so good. It was karma...

Up North (I still can't quite bring myself to admit to the exact city I'm stranded in - the shame! the shame! - but it's basically somewhere cold, wet, dark and backward). Nowhere near London. Nowhere near anywhere, actually. Weed should be available on the NHS. How else does anybody get...

Oh great. Just what you all need - some newbie posting random irrelevant cr*p to increase her credibility.... OK well then I guess I'll have to ask publicly. Erm... OK, recently arrived in this country after over a decade in a nice sunny little paradise. (I had to: my ex was trying to kill...

Nah, I get the "you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons..." brush-off. Is it fixable?

Hey wiimb seeing as you're online, how come I can't PM you? Is that feature disabled on this forum? Cos I'm ok about asking here I suppose but I've had enough embarrassment for one day *frantically looking for a blushing emoticon* I have a very very newbie question...

They're gorgeous. Can I stroke one?

Ah but I didn't think I qualified. Nothing patient about me.

Didn't pretty much everybody kill themselves in the Bronte novels? Just found myself stranded somewhere in Yorkshire (have to keep checking Google maps to remind myself where). I know nobody, nothing. I have nothing to smoke. Worst of all, I'm pretty sure that they speak a foreign language here...

*raucous cheer* Does this forum have a UK thread btw? Just moved up north, no friends, no plants, feeling a bit sorry for myself =))