Mauihund
Active Member
Nah. If the pilot did that, he'd just have the EPA on his ass. Then the he won't be happy.
comedy
- Thread starter edwardtheclean
- Start date
C
chitownsmoking
Guest
your mommas like a brick flat on all sides, and gets laid by mexicans....
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
your mommas so fat that when I shagged her I burnt my arse on the light bulb.
Blue Moonshine1
Active Member
- Your mom is so fat a picture of her fell of the wall
- Your mom is so fat she has a wanted poster on all the restaurants in town
- Your mom is so fat that at a restaurant when they give her the menu, she replies: "Yes please"
- Your mom is so fat Bill Gates couldn't afford to pay for her liposuction
- Your mom is so fat every time she puts an apple in her mouth, people try to roast her
- Your mom is so fat her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine
- Your mom is so fat her belt is actually the equator
- Your mom is so fat her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
- Your mom is so fat her clothes have stretch marks
- Your mom is so fat her high school year book picture is an aerial photograph
- Your mom is so fat her picture takes four frames
- Your mom is so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side
- Your mom is so fat instead of wide leg jeans she wears wide load
- Your mom is so fat she can lie down and stand up and her height doesn't change
- Your mom is so fat her baby pistures were taken by satellite
- Your mom is so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon
- Your mom is so fat she has her own area code
- Your mom is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book
- Your mom is so fat she has to buy two airline tickets
- Your mom is so fat she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck
- Your mom is so fat she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
- Your mom is so fat she has a wanted poster on all the restaurants in town
- Your mom is so fat that at a restaurant when they give her the menu, she replies: "Yes please"
- Your mom is so fat Bill Gates couldn't afford to pay for her liposuction
- Your mom is so fat every time she puts an apple in her mouth, people try to roast her
- Your mom is so fat her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine
- Your mom is so fat her belt is actually the equator
- Your mom is so fat her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
- Your mom is so fat her clothes have stretch marks
- Your mom is so fat her high school year book picture is an aerial photograph
- Your mom is so fat her picture takes four frames
- Your mom is so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side
- Your mom is so fat instead of wide leg jeans she wears wide load
- Your mom is so fat she can lie down and stand up and her height doesn't change
- Your mom is so fat her baby pistures were taken by satellite
- Your mom is so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon
- Your mom is so fat she has her own area code
- Your mom is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book
- Your mom is so fat she has to buy two airline tickets
- Your mom is so fat she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck
- Your mom is so fat she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
Sorry, i've not got any more Mum jokes to come back at you with but I have some of a different flavour.
A stunning Russian girl visits a Doctors in London.
Doc tells her to strip for an exam.
He feels her tits and asks "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes, your checking for breast cancer." She answers.
He puts his fingers in her pussy and says "What am I doing now?"
She replies "Your checking for cervical cancer."
Pushing his luck the doctor starts fucking her and asks again "Do you know what I'm doing now"
She answers "Yes, your catching syphilis. Thats why I came to see you."
A stunning Russian girl visits a Doctors in London.
Doc tells her to strip for an exam.
He feels her tits and asks "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes, your checking for breast cancer." She answers.
He puts his fingers in her pussy and says "What am I doing now?"
She replies "Your checking for cervical cancer."
Pushing his luck the doctor starts fucking her and asks again "Do you know what I'm doing now"
She answers "Yes, your catching syphilis. Thats why I came to see you."
Mauihund
Active Member
What? ....................................
KaleoXxX
Well-Known Member
two men are hunting in the wood
one of the men is trying out his new expensive scope
the man with the scope says "this scope rocks, hey i can see your house from here!"
to which the other man says "cool let me look"
the first man says "wait wait i can actually see INSIDE your house with this scope"
"well let me take a look" says his friend
"ACTUALLY i can see your wife, and shes cheating on you with another man!"
"alright, i want you to shoot that too timing sluts head off and whoever this guy is, i want you to shoot his cock off"
"OK... i think i can do that in one shot"
one of the men is trying out his new expensive scope
the man with the scope says "this scope rocks, hey i can see your house from here!"
to which the other man says "cool let me look"
the first man says "wait wait i can actually see INSIDE your house with this scope"
"well let me take a look" says his friend
"ACTUALLY i can see your wife, and shes cheating on you with another man!"
"alright, i want you to shoot that too timing sluts head off and whoever this guy is, i want you to shoot his cock off"
"OK... i think i can do that in one shot"
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by krustofskie 
your mommas so fat that when I shagged her I burnt my arse on the light bulb.
What? .............
your mommas so fat that when I shagged her I burnt my arse on the light bulb.
What? .............
Sorry, shagged is a English slang word for fucked
KaleoXxX
Well-Known Member
like, that bitch is so huge, when i was fucking her, by ass was rubbing against the ceilingOriginally Posted by krustofskie
your mommas so fat that when I shagged her I burnt my arse on the light bulb.
What? .............
Sorry, shagged is a English slang word for fucked
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
Just like that, had it been posted already, must have missed it, sorry.
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
It's the second resurection of Christ. Before the world ends he wants
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake....and falls
knee deep in water.
Moses says, "Well....maybe you need a head start or something, why not
go to the end of the dock and try."
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and
falls up to his waist.
Moses says, " Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the
lake and try there."
So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about
to step off and try again when...
Moses says, "Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourself into the state
of mind you were in the first time you did it."
So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he's all
psyched up, and steps out of the canoe.... ..and precedes to drown.
So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
Jesus is just beating himself up over this. He just doesn't see what's
going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
Suddenly, Moses says, "I got it! I know what's wrong! Did you have those
holes in your feet last time?!?!"
to take in some fishing. So he gets his friend Moses and they head up
to Minnesota to fish. They are about to rent a canoe when Moses says:
"Jesus, can't you still walk on water? Why not just walk out there?"
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps onto the lake....and falls
knee deep in water.
Moses says, "Well....maybe you need a head start or something, why not
go to the end of the dock and try."
So Jesus takes his reel and tackle and steps off the end of the dock and
falls up to his waist.
Moses says, " Well why not rent the boat, go out to the center of the
lake and try there."
So they rent the boat and go to the middle of the lake, Jesus is about
to step off and try again when...
Moses says, "Wait. Just to be safe, why not get yourself into the state
of mind you were in the first time you did it."
So Jesus sets down, meditates for a few minutes, and finally he's all
psyched up, and steps out of the canoe.... ..and precedes to drown.
So Moses does the water parting thing, and pulls Jesus up into the boat.
Jesus is just beating himself up over this. He just doesn't see what's
going wrong here. Moses just stares down at the bottom of the boat.
Suddenly, Moses says, "I got it! I know what's wrong! Did you have those
holes in your feet last time?!?!"
Attachments
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
[SIZE=+2]Why God never got a PhD[/SIZE]
-----------------------
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
-----------------------
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
[SIZE=+1]Rastafarianism is my favourite. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]
Taoism[/SIZE]
Shit happens.
[SIZE=+1]Buddhism[/SIZE]
If shit happens, it's not really shit.
[SIZE=+1]Islam[/SIZE]
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
[SIZE=+1]Protestantism[/SIZE]
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
[SIZE=+1]Judaism[/SIZE]
Why does this shit always happen to us?
[SIZE=+1]Hinduism[/SIZE]
This shit happened before.
[SIZE=+1]Catholicism[/SIZE]
Shit happens because you're bad.
[SIZE=+1]Hare Krishna [/SIZE]
Shit happens rama rama.
[SIZE=+1]T.V. Evangelism [/SIZE]
Send more shit.
[SIZE=+1]Atheism[/SIZE]
No shit.
[SIZE=+1]Jehova's Witness [/SIZE]
Knock knock, shit happens.
[SIZE=+1]Hedonism[/SIZE]
There's nothing like a good shit happening.
[SIZE=+1]Christian Science [/SIZE]
Shit happens in your mind.
[SIZE=+1]Agnosticism[/SIZE]
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
[SIZE=+1]Rastafarianism[/SIZE]
Let's smoke this shit.
[SIZE=+1]Existentialism[/SIZE]
What is shit anyway?
[SIZE=+1]Stoicism[/SIZE]
This shit doesn't bother me.
[SIZE=+1]
Taoism[/SIZE]
Shit happens.
[SIZE=+1]Buddhism[/SIZE]
If shit happens, it's not really shit.
[SIZE=+1]Islam[/SIZE]
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
[SIZE=+1]Protestantism[/SIZE]
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
[SIZE=+1]Judaism[/SIZE]
Why does this shit always happen to us?
[SIZE=+1]Hinduism[/SIZE]
This shit happened before.
[SIZE=+1]Catholicism[/SIZE]
Shit happens because you're bad.
[SIZE=+1]Hare Krishna [/SIZE]
Shit happens rama rama.
[SIZE=+1]T.V. Evangelism [/SIZE]
Send more shit.
[SIZE=+1]Atheism[/SIZE]
No shit.
[SIZE=+1]Jehova's Witness [/SIZE]
Knock knock, shit happens.
[SIZE=+1]Hedonism[/SIZE]
There's nothing like a good shit happening.
[SIZE=+1]Christian Science [/SIZE]
Shit happens in your mind.
[SIZE=+1]Agnosticism[/SIZE]
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
[SIZE=+1]Rastafarianism[/SIZE]
Let's smoke this shit.
[SIZE=+1]Existentialism[/SIZE]
What is shit anyway?
[SIZE=+1]Stoicism[/SIZE]
This shit doesn't bother me.
morgentaler
Well-Known Member
Your momma's so fat, she went to the hospital wearing a Malcolm X tshirt and the helicopter tried to land on her.
Mauihund
Active Member
No worries. Caught the shagged idea. I have no lights on the ceiling in my flat, so I didn't catch that ass bumping against a light part.
Can you say more about the fat bitch? She would have to be really fat if your ass bumped against the ceiling when you were fucking her. And, your dick would have to be pretty damn long to fuck a chick from that far away. You'd fucking go unconscious with a hard-on that size!
Now that it's been analyzed to death........... good joke.
krustofskie
Well-Known Member
(Posted this in the atheist thread but thought it desereved to come to a joke thread to)
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
edwardtheclean
Well-Known Member
your momma so fat, when she were an all red shirt the kids yell "KOOL AID"
smoker toker
Active Member
yo mama is so fat... when God said "Let there be light" he really said "MOVE BITCH!"
Smoker Toker
Smoker Toker