Got woken up for this...

tumorhead said:

*open door*
*wiggle wee wee vigorously*
*make woo woo sound*
*shut door*

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I'd omit the wiggle and go for an oscillating approach. Just to really fuck with them. Maybe stand on a chair. Or even better do a headstand.

You could announce, "Come in!" and be

ClaytonBigsby said:

You could announce, "Come in!" and be

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would you fuck me?

i'd fuck me










I'd fuck me hard!

not sure how i ended up here, but awesome thread! i needed a good laugh and ya'll are crackin me up! i heard my roomate not to long ago, answer the door, i heard them mumble something, then he goes "i would love to hear about jahovah, please come in". the door closed and i heard him say "lets go get naked in the bathtub together and talk". Pause
.......door slams hard! i almost pissed myself laughing. he comes back into the kitchen with a huge shit eating grin, saying "do you know why jahovahs witnesess have inverted nipples?" (both hands motioning like hes poking someone in the chest), "get the fuck off my porch!" lololololololololol!!!!!!!
good times!

tumorhead said:

Mofo's knocking on my door making my dogs go nuts.......for this..... pedo jesus... View attachment 2571762

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I got exactly the same thing, how fucked up is that?

tumorhead said:

I need a no solicitation sign big time. I get everything from magazine salespeople to mormons and JW's. It's so annoying that I rarely answer my door for anyone. I even ignored my neighbor trying to tell me my headlights were on last week because 15 minutes prior some other asshole was pounding on the door.

Some guy left a note saying he wanted to buy my car for cash....the fuck...

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Oh we get the cars for cash thing all the time out here! As for the no solicitation sign you might as well give up now. That does not stop them. I can't tell you how many times the doorbell rings and by the time I find my cane, get out of my chair, hobble to the front door, all the while telling the dog to shut up, open the door and they say something about religion. I point at the sign and they say they aren't 'selling' anything!

I occasionally ask why I would wish to discuss something as complex as theology with someone who could not understand the simple concept of solicitation? Seriously! I usually hobble away, closing the door while they are still talking. I am probably going to hell, save a seat for me guys.

Stonerman Enoch said:

We got a badass.

All sarcasm aside though, I doubt the Mezuzah would deter them any. I got one of those little invitations today as well and the guy was going on about the Jews being god's chosen people and how fond he was of them.

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They look at it as we look at a Scrabble triple word score or a Yahtzee (sorry best analogy I could do here I am gaming impaired).

sunni said:

fa fuck whats with the 80s haircut, jesus did NOT look like that holy when jehovias come to my door once ,i just told them the truth and they havent been back since

Seems like they dont like it when the house belongs to lesbians LOL

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Ok I'll give it a try LOL that has been on my list a long time, bout time I get around to it

smileb0b said:

We had some evangelists come to the door a few years ago. My wife answered and and pointed to our No Soliciting sign on the door and told them we were not interested. They immediately responded with, "The word of our lord and savior is not soliciting". All they got was the door slammed in their face. We still get some door to door salesman every once in a while who can't seem to read or figure out what soliciting is.

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YOU and me! This is getting scary.

Figong said:

You bring up something that reminded me of a picture I'd seen on the web:

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Who still breach's doors with a boot? Paintballers?

Have you ever tried to breach a door with a boot, or your body or even your butt (what I finally resorted to)? I swear to god you bounce off so bad you hit the opposite wall. My understanding is the tool among the modern breachers is this:

Granny weed said:

I to had a run in with jw I don't like to be rude to them or anyone who knocks my door but my daughter is a nurse and had witnessed a young jw girl who had just given birth to twins bleed to death because her family and husband would not allow them to give her blood. She was very upset and I couldn't stop thinking about it,then they knock on my door it was near Christmas time and it was an elderly lady standing their she began to preach to me when I pointed out I wasn't interested, she asked me why I told her that I didn't agree with some of their beliefs, she asked me to explain why and was it because they didn't celebrate Christmas. I told her that I didn't agree with a young mother being left to die because of their belief not to except blood. She then said that blood was precious and given to us by god, I told her life was also precious and that mine had been saved by someone else's precious blood. She looked quite shocked and walked away wishing me a good day. She certainly wasn't going to disagree with me.

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You know I've re-written this response a dozen times. I just can't write it.

neosapien said:

Next time answer the door naked, with your dick in your hands, and say you're beating the devil out of yourself and for them to come in and help. I imagine they'll find someone else to save pretty quick.

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Careful neo you may get charged with a terrorist threat there LOL.

GanjaGreenGables said:

........snip.........

Saying your "Disfellowshipped" scares the newbies but not the veterans.

Real JWs have studied all religions and come.from all backgrounds so they can truthfully speak to everyone.about.anything.

.........snip...........

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Now that is interesting. I'd like to hear more about the veterans take on proselytizing to the dis-fellowshipped.

I did call the local Kingdom Hall for my neighborhood and request they not send their outreach by because it can be hard to get to the door. They haven't been around since. So that's another option. We also have a Baptist church that is quite persistent. I called them too. They come around about every other year and leave a tract so I call and re-subscribe to their opt-out list LOL.

go out and get yourself a nice radio and just blast black sabbath- NIB
[video=youtube;TOXPSSZkFD0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOXPSSZkFD0[/video]
my name is lucifer please take my hand

The best way by far is to tell them you are a satan worshipper....guaranteed to get them packing and not come back. Oh and by the way, someone said that JW's donate to the police?!? I don't know who told you that but can't believe that's true...JW's don't believe in being "part of this world" and supporting anything political whatsoever.

I was raised Jehovah's Witness by my mother, and even believed it myself for a while until i grew up and started researching other religions and ways of life. I even went door to door for a while. I probably would have gone to college, had my mother not spent away my college fund because she thought that armageddon would come before i could even go to college. that was over 10 years ago, still here. I just really hate how they have a "holier than thou" attitude....no matter what they say, they always will look down upon "worldly" people in some way and are actually pretty hypocritical in general. any questions you have about JW's i can answer

i.am.what.i.am said:

I was raised Jehovah's Witness by my mother, and even believed it myself for a while until i grew up and started researching other religions and ways of life. I even went door to door for a while. I probably would have gone to college, had my mother not spent away my college fund because she thought that armageddon would come before i could even go to college. that was over 10 years ago, still here. I just really hate how they have a "holier than thou" attitude....no matter what they say, they always will look down upon "worldly" people in some way and are actually pretty hypocritical in general. any questions you have about JW's i can answer

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so is jehova really coming back?

i.am.what.i.am said:

The best way by far is to tell them you are a satan worshipper....guaranteed to get them packing and not come back. Oh and by the way, someone said that JW's donate to the police?!? I don't know who told you that but can't believe that's true...JW's don't believe in being "part of this world" and supporting anything political whatsoever.

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the lesbian thing worked out well in my favor i swear, they are nice people theyre just doing there thing honestly i never get too upset about it

yea, telling them you are gay does work very well too. but nothing scares them more than devil worshippers! lol I'm gay too, so I usually use that tactic when I want to get mormons off my back

sunni said:

the lesbian thing worked out well in my favor i swear, they are nice people theyre just doing there thing honestly i never get too upset about it

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This is the thing with gays / lesbians; everything is about sex. Why is that?