Yeah, I had a friend like that once too. I was trying to help her out by setting up a grow room for her and teaching her how to grow, and from watching "Weeds" every week on Showtime she assumed it would be really easy. Her role at the start was to monitor the seedlings, and water as needed.
I'd call her up and ask, "So, how the plants doing?" And she'd say, "They're doing great! They look terrific!" OK, fine. I'd go over a couple of days later, and HOly CHRIST!!! I quickly learned that as far as she was concerned, as long as the plants were A) all still there, B) still mostly vertical, rather than horizontal, and C) still mostly green, they were "great and looked terrific!" No matter how much I tried to teach her about what to watch for, and what plants are supposed to look like, she just couldn't get it.
Some people have the green thumb, some don't. If you genuinely don't have it, it's pretty hard to teach it. About the best she could do was let me know whether the basement was flooded or not, so that's just what I had to work with.