Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
[youtube]0hwLbhpatJo[/youtube]
[youtube]6hBJed1tUUg[/youtube]
[youtube]6hBJed1tUUg[/youtube]
Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
LMAO, I must be a sicko.
[youtube]zqjtz3rEPG0[/youtube]
[youtube]zqjtz3rEPG0[/youtube]
purpz
Well-Known Member
HAHA reminds me of this [youtube]eNiR5ZTb_MA[/youtube]
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
You know, I've heard them before... Somewhere... Are they the flying rodents that swooped in when I was at the beach and took my french fries.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs, "Yes Sir, I sure am."
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good, cause I want a cheeseburger."
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs, "Yes Sir, I sure am."
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good, cause I want a cheeseburger."
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
A Florida tourist asks an Irishman sitting at the bar:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:
"Well, if they fell forward they'd still be in the fuckin' boat."
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:
"Well, if they fell forward they'd still be in the fuckin' boat."
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
That was cool, but I have never seen concrete railroad ties before. They are all wood here, but concrete would keep the size perfect for that.
robert 14617
Well-Known Member
concrete start to crack and break up under the pressure and vibration , plastic ties made from recycled materials are about the best
woodsmaneh!
Well-Known Member
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
How Do You Define Handsome?
A test at an Atlanta City High School in Georgia required students to use the word "handsome" in a sentence. A girl named Lateshia answered: "Sometimes when I be suckin' Jamal's snake, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."
The quality of our educational system sometimes brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!!!
A test at an Atlanta City High School in Georgia required students to use the word "handsome" in a sentence. A girl named Lateshia answered: "Sometimes when I be suckin' Jamal's snake, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."
The quality of our educational system sometimes brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!!!
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said,
"My wife got a pretty good look at you."
The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said,
"My wife got a pretty good look at you."
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at
TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Fla. , exactly the way the pros do it.
The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit
of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His
ball had always fallen short, into the water.
Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked
out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating
very challenging holes.
Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed
up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.
However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming
out from the clouds, saying:
"Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one."
The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force
seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition. As he
stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: "Wait. Step back. Take
a practice swing."
So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was
going to make his dream come true.
The voice boomed out again:
"Take another practice swing."
Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited ..
A long silence followed ... Then the voice again:
"Use the old ball."
TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Fla. , exactly the way the pros do it.
The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit
of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His
ball had always fallen short, into the water.
Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked
out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating
very challenging holes.
Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed
up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.
However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming
out from the clouds, saying:
"Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one."
The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force
seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition. As he
stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: "Wait. Step back. Take
a practice swing."
So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was
going to make his dream come true.
The voice boomed out again:
"Take another practice swing."
Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited ..
A long silence followed ... Then the voice again:
"Use the old ball."
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
"Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said
Softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
Or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said
Softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
Or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked
their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught
the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the
winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Serviceand asked,
'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the c hief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does
it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's
going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service
again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very
cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it
is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of
firewood.
their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught
the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the
winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Serviceand asked,
'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the c hief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does
it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's
going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service
again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very
cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it
is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of
firewood.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Even you non-football fans can benefit from this insight.
Tim Tebow, former Florida Gators quarterback, and now the Denver Broncos quarterback has NEVER fumbled !!!!
In 2007 Florida 's Tim Tebow was awarded the Heisman Trophy as a sophomore, the first time ever the award has gone to a second year player..
In addition to his amazing passing, running and TD stats is the fact that he has NEVER fumbled the ball! How is he able to hold on to the football so well? What grip does he use??
Tim's grip training technique was inspired by his girlfriend, of 2
years, Amber.
"I really have to say, with her help and training support, I have been able to strengthen my grip, with either hand, even if I barely have any piece of the ball in my hand"
Tim Tebow, former Florida Gators quarterback, and now the Denver Broncos quarterback has NEVER fumbled !!!!
In 2007 Florida 's Tim Tebow was awarded the Heisman Trophy as a sophomore, the first time ever the award has gone to a second year player..
In addition to his amazing passing, running and TD stats is the fact that he has NEVER fumbled the ball! How is he able to hold on to the football so well? What grip does he use??
Tim's grip training technique was inspired by his girlfriend, of 2
years, Amber.
"I really have to say, with her help and training support, I have been able to strengthen my grip, with either hand, even if I barely have any piece of the ball in my hand"
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Terrorist and Pelosi...
[youtube]cAnkj9aL4O4[/youtube]
[youtube]cAnkj9aL4O4[/youtube]
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
To the person who rep me, I don't know who you are, sorry.
Yeah, I'm normally in Fla by now. I have a customer (here) that has one of the best ideas I've seen in a very long time. So I can't go until I have them completely handled. But, my heart is already there.
Yeah, I'm normally in Fla by now. I have a customer (here) that has one of the best ideas I've seen in a very long time. So I can't go until I have them completely handled. But, my heart is already there.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
what happens when you get blonde genies?-
a white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the clansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, 'i can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.'
a white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the clansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, 'i can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.'