Garage Sale Competition
Posted at: 2010-04-16 12:39:42 |
201 comments |
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Original ad:
Garage sale on Saturday April 17th from 10 am to 4 pm. Lots of clothes, furniture, electronics, and more. The address is 341 ********* Drive. Email me if you need directions.
Now before you think this woman doesn't deserve it, she spammed this ad everywhere, every day. I was sick of seeing it.
From Me to ***********@**********.org:
Hello,
I live a few blocks away from you and couldn't help but notice you are having a garage sale this Saturday. I am going to have to kindly ask you to change the date of your garage sale. I am having my annual world class garage sale on that day, and I do not want you to take away any of the customers that would be coming to my garage sale.
If you could hold your garage sale some time during May or June, that would be great.
Thanks,
Mike
From Karen ******** to Me:
I'm not changing the date. There is plenty of room for both of our garage sales.
From Me to Karen *******:
Karen,
There is not enough room for both of our garage sales. As I said earlier, my garage sale is a "world class" event. It draws in garage sale connoisseurs from all over the region. I have already booked a bartender and a string quartet for my sale on Saturday. My garage sale is a classy experience, and I do not want that experience to be ruined for customers who mistake your garage sale for mine. Now I'm not saying your garage sale isn't going to be nice, but I highly doubt you have a bartender and string quartet at your sale.
Please take down all of the ads in the neighborhood for your sale to avoid any confusion for my customers.
Mike
From Karen ******** to Me:
How rude of you to even make this request. I have the right to have a garage sale when ever I want to. What gives you the nerve to think you can tell me what to do?
From Me to Karen *******:
Karen,
You are correct, you do have the right to do whatever you want. I realize that I cannot change your mind about this.
I can, however, put up this ad all over the neighborhood. Let me know what you think of it:
Best,
Mike
From Karen ******** to Me:
What the hell is the matter with you? I swear if I see any of those ads in the neighborhood I will tear them down and report you. Do not speak to me again about this. You have been warned.
From Me to Karen *******:
Karen
I'm willing to cut you a deal and get you a spot on the guest list for my world class garage sale if you cancel yours.
Mike
From Karen ******* to Me:
Screw you and screw your world class garage sale, you world class prick.
201 comments |
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Attention-Grabbing Ad
Posted at: 2010-03-23 14:52:00 |
238 comments |
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Original ad:
Free Graphic Design Needed
I need someone who wants to do some graphic design work to design an ad for my business in the local newspaper. Would look great for your portfolio. Email me if you can help. Thanks
From Me to *********@*********.org:
Hey there,
I am just starting my career as a graphic designer and have helped design several ads featured in various magazines. I would be happy to help you with your ad. Can you tell me what you had in mind?
Thanks,
Mike
From Lucy ******* to Me:
Hi Mike! I own a new hair salon for men called Sporty's Haircuts. The ad will be 2 inches by 4 inches and featured in the local newspaper. We don't have a logo or slogan. The ad simply needs to say the name of the business, and our address and phone number:
124 South ****** Ave
(***)-***-****
It needs to be attention-grabbing and also include a graphic related to haircuts. I don't have any images so you will have to design them. Please don't have anything boring (i.e. a graphic of scissors.)
Thank you so much for your help!
Lucy
From Me to Lucy *******:
Sounds good, Lucy. I'll get back to you within a day with the proposed ad for your review.
From Lucy ******* to Me:
Great. Thank you Mike!
From Me to Lucy *******:
Lucy,
I have attached the first draft of the ad. Please let me know what you think.
Mike
Attachment:
From Lucy ******* to Me:
Mike, I don't completely understand the ad. Could you please explain what you were going for with that graphic?
From Me to Lucy *******:
Lucy,
It is a man admiring his new haircut while a woman is crouching down to clean up the hair clippings on the floor below him.
Mike
From Lucy ******* to Me:
Oh. That’s not what think when I look at it. It looks very suggestive to me. Why is "downtown" and "service" in quotes?
From Me to Lucy *******:
How is that suggestive? The only thing it suggests to me is that I will be getting a very admirable haircut and quality service. The fact that the woman is already cleaning up the hair clippings while the man is still in the chair suggests that your store is quick, efficient, and clean.
Downtown is in quotes because it is short for Downtown *******, and I put "Service" in quotes to suggest that you will be getting much "more" than a haircut, such as helpful employees, great deals, and friendly smiles. If you do not offer great deals or friendly smiles, then I apologize for the mistake and will remove the quotes from around "Service." Otherwise, I don't understand what your problem is with the ad.
Mike
From Lucy ******* to Me:
Cut the BS, Mike. You know exactly what you did. Are you going to keep wasting my time or design the real ad?
From Me to Lucy *******:
Lucy, can you please explain why you are unhappy with the ad? I can't make changes if you are being so vague about everything. Would you like me to have the woman holding scissors and a hair comb?
Mike
From Lucy ******* to Me:
Leave me alone.
238 comments |
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Lenny's Acid Trip
Posted at: 2010-03-09 10:46:33 |
175 comments |
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Original ad:
Do not Use Lenny the Mechanic:
He has an ad on here for car repairs and I asked him to fix my blown head gasket. He showed up to my house, broke a bunch of parts and left. He has been avoiding me ever since. DO NOT USE THIS GUY.
Lenny, if you are reading this, you owe me an explanation.
From Me to ***************@***********.org:
Hey,
My apologies for bailing on your car. I know I have been hard to contact; I lost my phone and had to get a new e-mail address. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make it up to you.
Lenny
From **********@gmail.com to Me:
You could start by explaining yourself...
From Me to **********@gmail.com:
Well, I was pretty baked when I showed up, and I had just eaten a bag of shrooms and taken three hits of acid. I thought I would be able to fix your car before the shrooms and acid kicked in, but I was wrong. While I was disconnecting the sensors, I started tripping pretty hard. At one point it looked like the intake manifold was laughing at me. I freaked out and bashed it with a socket wrench, and then ran back to my car and got the hell out of there. I'm not sure what happened after that. The next thing I remember is waking up naked in a church confessional booth two days later. When I got back to my house, the State Police were there and told me they found my car abandoned in a car wash about 50 miles away. Needless to say, it has been a crazy weekend for me. That is why I was unable to fix your car.
From **********@gmail.com to Me:
Uh...not sure what to take from all that. You deemed it a good idea to take drugs before working on my car because...why?
From Me to **********@gmail.com:
Honestly I forgot I had to work on your car. I remembered after I took the shrooms and acid. Once I get my car back from the police, I should be able to come over and finish working on your car. Oh by the way, sorry about the dump I took on your lawn. I was too embarrassed to go inside and ask to use the bathroom because it would have been obvious that I was tripping.
From **********@gmail.com to Me:
Unbelievable. I don't want you to do any more work on my car. I do want you to pay for the damage you did to my car. If you don't, I will take you to small claims court.
From Me to **********@gmail.com:
Whoa man, why are you being such a dick? Not cool. If anything, you should be paying
me. I seriously fucked up my hand when I hit your intake manifold with the wrench. It feels like I fractured it. I don't have any health insurance, and seeing as I got injured under your employment, I think you are obligated to pay for my medical bills.
From **********@gmail.com to Me:
Not a chance in hell. I think all those drugs you took fried your brain - you're fucked in the head if you think any of this is acceptable. If you don't pay the damages, we are going to have a problem.
From Me to **********@gmail.com:
I have another eighth of shrooms I can give you...will that cover it?
From Me to **********@gmail.com:
I'll take that as a yes?
.
