Child Custody Battle

[Zekedogg]

Quit smokin cuz of kids? pfffffft get the fuck outta here with that bs

 

[ph03nix]

I'm going through the same thing. My ex has paid me nothing for the kids over the last 5 years... no maintenance, no school fees... he barely even bought them decent clothes to wear when they were at his house... there have been times when they didn't even have shoes to wear. But he has still received moneys from the government... is even claiming a part pension for them despite the fact that he owns his own business. (In Aus, LOW INCOME parents can get help from the government... but he's been cheating the system... unfortunately I can't prove that.)

Anyway, one of the older kids is now old enough to support himself, and another one of them has moved out of his house due to an argument and refuses to go back. So now that he can't receive any government benefits for them, he's focusing on getting custody of the youngest one (who I had full time before this all started... who he couldn't even get to school half the time because of his work... BTW, he's a driving instructor... in the car all day... and he couldn't swing past his daughter's school sometime between 8 and 9 every morning).

This man was not the one who changed their nappies and kept them clean (he DID complain about the smell of shit in the house). He never got up to feed a baby in the middle of the night (he DID get angry with me because they woke him up). He didn't sit up with them all night long when they were sick (he DID get angry with me because I wasn't in his bed). He didn't save on personal items so that he could pay for them to go on school excursions, have little treats etc ( he HAS to buy himself a 6-pack of beer every day though... life is hard as a father). He has never helped them with their homework (not enough time in the day after his average 6 hours of work, drinking time, watching tv, driving his car)... he didn't play sport with them (he WAS tired after such a long day of work)... he never sat down and asked them about their day (he WOULD regularly tell them to piss off and leave him alone to relax)... he didn't go to special events at their school (other parents might think he was either gay, or a dole bludger). This is the man who HAS kicked both of his elder daughters out of his house... The eldest was barely 15 when he made her leave his house at 10 pm carrying all of her stuff. She had no money to call me from a phone booth and had to walk about 3 km through town to her cousin's house for help. The second one (at almost 16) told him that she didn't like his new girlfriend, so he kicked her out in the middle of the night too. He then rented her room out to his girlfriend's 16 year old daughter. My daughter had to go live at her elder sister's house.... the list goes on and on.

When we split up we agreed that we would not put any of the kids through the heartbreak of going to court. I agreed not to take any part of his business, his money, or ask for any maintenance... all I wanted was try and be civil with each other and keep the kids out of it. Now he's going back on all of that for a couple of hundred dollars per fortnight. It upsets the child in question greatly because she doesn't want to be the reason that we fight... and for the record, she wants to be with me... but there's nothing I can do about it except go to court.

So, unfortunately, I don't agree with you, Marlye... the father is not always the best parent. Some of them only see their own children as dollar signs...

 

[gogrow]

Quit smokin cuz of kids? pfffffft get the fuck outta here with that bs

START smoking cuz of kids i could understand..; good luck on your case bro; sometimes the court does rule biased in favor of the female, but in most instances (in my exp.) they tend to give the child to the most fit parent..... my mom lost all 5 of her kids, on three seperate occasions; two of which were to single men... hell one was even disabled and they awarded him custody of my 3 lil half brothers.. i think you have nothing to worry about; you have raised that child, they will barely listen to what she has to say.

 

[gogrow]

I'm going through the same thing. My ex has paid me nothing for the kids over the last 5 years... no maintenance, no school fees... he barely even bought them decent clothes to wear when they were at his house... there have been times when they didn't even have shoes to wear. But he has still received moneys from the government... is even claiming a part pension for them despite the fact that he owns his own business. (In Aus, LOW INCOME parents can get help from the government... but he's been cheating the system... unfortunately I can't prove that.)

Anyway, one of the older kids is now old enough to support himself, and another one of them has moved out of his house due to an argument and refuses to go back. So now that he can't receive any government benefits for them, he's focusing on getting custody of the youngest one (who I had full time before this all started... who he couldn't even get to school half the time because of his work... BTW, he's a driving instructor... in the car all day... and he couldn't swing past his daughter's school sometime between 8 and 9 every morning).

This man was not the one who changed their nappies and kept them clean (he DID complain about the smell of shit in the house). He never got up to feed a baby in the middle of the night (he DID get angry with me because they woke him up). He didn't sit up with them all night long when they were sick (he DID get angry with me because I wasn't in his bed). He didn't save on personal items so that he could pay for them to go on school excursions, have little treats etc ( he HAS to buy himself a 6-pack of beer every day though... life is hard as a father). He has never helped them with their homework (not enough time in the day after his average 6 hours of work, drinking time, watching tv, driving his car)... he didn't play sport with them (he WAS tired after such a long day of work)... he never sat down and asked them about their day (he WOULD regularly tell them to piss off and leave him alone to relax)... he didn't go to special events at their school (other parents might think he was either gay, or a dole bludger). This is the man who HAS kicked both of his elder daughters out of his house... The eldest was barely 15 when he made her leave his house at 10 pm carrying all of her stuff. She had no money to call me from a phone booth and had to walk about 3 km through town to her cousin's house for help. The second one (at almost 16) told him that she didn't like his new girlfriend, so he kicked her out in the middle of the night too. He then rented her room out to his girlfriend's 16 year old daughter. My daughter had to go live at her elder sister's house.... the list goes on and on.

When we split up we agreed that we would not put any of the kids through the heartbreak of going to court. I agreed not to take any part of his business, his money, or ask for any maintenance... all I wanted was try and be civil with each other and keep the kids out of it. Now he's going back on all of that for a couple of hundred dollars per fortnight. It upsets the child in question greatly because she doesn't want to be the reason that we fight... and for the record, she wants to be with me... but there's nothing I can do about it except go to court.

So, unfortunately, I don't agree with you, Marlye... the father is not always the best parent. Some of them only see their own children as dollar signs...

holy shit!!! i hope to god that you are (rightfully) awarded custody, and they make his ass pay you well

 

[blackout]

if it is any help ,i got custody of our three boys over six years ago now, it was not pleasant to go to family court ,and i would not wish it on anybody.
it is not as common for the male to get custody ,but i was one who did ,i guess it was a matter of where the boys were safe ,at least now the mum and i can talk without a war going on ,and i must say she has improved a great deal since the initial court battles.
she has even moved closer so the boys can see her when they want to ,which is good for all concerned.
i think kids need both parents provided they are not in danger or being abused ,which was the case with the mum before ,but not now , she has broken up with the prick who was a very bad dude ,and was no good for her.
the kids stay with me now by choice ,but i dont think i would have a problem if they asked to go back to mums as she has come along way since the old days.
good luck with your case ,try not to use the kid/kids as ammo it only hurts them .
regards blackout

 

[bbqchip]

why not let the kids pick, i mean if their old enough to talk.

 

[Wikidbchofthewst]

I will drop everything in the world when it comes to my kids

I love dad's like you

you gonna teach him how to grow weed!! while my kids lived at home, i didn't smoke ,drink or anything that showed bad habits. bet you wish you had the money back for your elite status. dude, you need help. parenting classes!!!!

You didn't do anything that showed bad habits...bad habits that YOU have? So you...lived a lie for the benefit of your kids? No offense, but...I just had a very different relationship with my mom.

I mean, what do you do when your kids find out that you DO do all those things?

My mom was straight with us as kids, and I firmly believe it is one of the biggest reasons we are so close to her now.

 

[Wikidbchofthewst]

why not let the kids pick, i mean if their old enough to talk.

In some cases, where a kid is older and has a firm choice in their own mind, I think that's a good point. I mean, if some kid knows his mom's a crappy mom, and wants to be with his dad, that's one thing...

But how do you do that to a kid who loves BOTH parents? That would be a horrible thing to put a child through.

 

[bbqchip]

In some cases, where a kid is older and has a firm choice in their own mind, I think that's a good point. I mean, if some kid knows his mom's a crappy mom, and wants to be with his dad, that's one thing...

But how do you do that to a kid who loves BOTH parents? That would be a horrible thing to put a child through.

yea, i didnt thought of that. i was just goin by what i read on here and it seems like one of the parent is an a$$. what about let the kids pick first but they can decide not to then let the battle begin.

 

[mahlye]

I'm going through the same thing. My ex has paid me nothing for the kids over the last 5 years... no maintenance, no school fees... he barely even bought them decent clothes to wear when they were at his house... there have been times when they didn't even have shoes to wear. But he has still received moneys from the government... is even claiming a part pension for them despite the fact that he owns his own business. (In Aus, LOW INCOME parents can get help from the government... but he's been cheating the system... unfortunately I can't prove that.)

Anyway, one of the older kids is now old enough to support himself, and another one of them has moved out of his house due to an argument and refuses to go back. So now that he can't receive any government benefits for them, he's focusing on getting custody of the youngest one (who I had full time before this all started... who he couldn't even get to school half the time because of his work... BTW, he's a driving instructor... in the car all day... and he couldn't swing past his daughter's school sometime between 8 and 9 every morning).

This man was not the one who changed their nappies and kept them clean (he DID complain about the smell of shit in the house). He never got up to feed a baby in the middle of the night (he DID get angry with me because they woke him up). He didn't sit up with them all night long when they were sick (he DID get angry with me because I wasn't in his bed). He didn't save on personal items so that he could pay for them to go on school excursions, have little treats etc ( he HAS to buy himself a 6-pack of beer every day though... life is hard as a father). He has never helped them with their homework (not enough time in the day after his average 6 hours of work, drinking time, watching tv, driving his car)... he didn't play sport with them (he WAS tired after such a long day of work)... he never sat down and asked them about their day (he WOULD regularly tell them to piss off and leave him alone to relax)... he didn't go to special events at their school (other parents might think he was either gay, or a dole bludger). This is the man who HAS kicked both of his elder daughters out of his house... The eldest was barely 15 when he made her leave his house at 10 pm carrying all of her stuff. She had no money to call me from a phone booth and had to walk about 3 km through town to her cousin's house for help. The second one (at almost 16) told him that she didn't like his new girlfriend, so he kicked her out in the middle of the night too. He then rented her room out to his girlfriend's 16 year old daughter. My daughter had to go live at her elder sister's house.... the list goes on and on.

When we split up we agreed that we would not put any of the kids through the heartbreak of going to court. I agreed not to take any part of his business, his money, or ask for any maintenance... all I wanted was try and be civil with each other and keep the kids out of it. Now he's going back on all of that for a couple of hundred dollars per fortnight. It upsets the child in question greatly because she doesn't want to be the reason that we fight... and for the record, she wants to be with me... but there's nothing I can do about it except go to court.

So, unfortunately, I don't agree with you, Marlye... the father is not always the best parent. Some of them only see their own children as dollar signs...

when I said that, I was thinking of the guy who started this thread. your ex was not a man. he was just shit.

 

[ph03nix]

holy shit!!! i hope to god that you are (rightfully) awarded custody, and they make his ass pay you well

Thanks gogrow. I plan on ripping him a new asshole.

 

[Yeah]

I will drop everything in the world when it comes to my kids

You're a good guy. You know your kids better than I do, so the only advice I can give is... do what's best for your CHILD. I've seen too many custody battles where it is about revenge, and not about what's best for the kids. And since you know your kids better than I do, and you're a good guy, I trust that you'll make the right decision and do whatever is necessary to follow through with that.

 

[Zekedogg]

I get along well with my sons mother.....I hope she doesnt take this personal ...It's just something I feel I need to do......I never had a father growing up because my dad chose not to be there for us....I know as a son that devestated me....I dont want my son to get older and I have regrets on not trying my best to get him.........Ive practically raised him on my own since birth so I feel I should have the rights to make the calls.....I want my son to be involved with his mother just as much as he is me. I am not a bad guy by any means and would never try to take a parent away from there kids.......but again this has been something that I felt I should do and have been putting it off......now it's time for me to take affirmitive actions.......I filed the paperwork yesterday.........I will call her today and let her know whats going on.......Im not trying to be sneaky or lie to her in any way.....I just feel this is what is best

 

[Sunnysideup]

Zeke why did you file the papers before talking with the mom? If you have a good relationship with her and you have been raising your son, why did you feel the need to do it this way??? I know that with my husband, he has a son that he has sole custody of, and he did this with the mothers consent. They had a good relationship and they both could see that this was in the childs best interest so they mutually agreed and had the paperwork drawn up and it was done. Nice and civil.
Why didn't you do this with your ex if you have a good relationship with her? You might end up pissing her off ( I know it would me) and she may fight.

 

[Zekedogg]

I did it first because wether she likes it or not it is gonna happen. She already has an idea that this is going to be taking place........she just didnt know when...........Trust me........we have a good relationship but she has to much pride..she wont ever admit my son is better off with me.

 

[Zekedogg]

The fact of the matter is Im as civil as anyone can be .........Im protecting my son and doing what I feel is right...........I am not being sneaky in any way If she could afford to take care of herself she might be able to afford to fight it..........Im 30 yrs old and she is 20.....She jumps from man to man for support....I take full responsiblity for my actions.....thus the reason why I am raising my son.......

 

[blackout]

good on you brother ,but it is a long and nasty road to go ,unless the mum agrees ,i dont know ,the laws other than in oz,but it takes ages of family court time ,and it really gets you down ,so hope it all works out for you .

 

[whulkamania]

Don't forget when you go to court to wear a suit and tie, You might have a better chance of winning by looking nice and showing you are clean and stuff like that.

 

[Sunnysideup]

I did it first because wether she likes it or not it is gonna happen. She already has an idea that this is going to be taking place........she just didnt know when...........Trust me........we have a good relationship but she has to much pride..she wont ever admit my son is better off with me.

Very tough situation. If you already have physical custody and she knows that you will seek full custody, you may just want to give her a heads up that it is coming her way. If she gets pissed at least you can tell her you are attempting to keep it civil for your son and suggest she do the same thing.
I know from my experience that the one thing that my family agreed to was that we would never file for modifications to custody, support, etc...until the other person was told. I don't know it was sort of like being considerate to the other parent, and it kept the lines of communication open so that we could all parent and raise the child together. I do know that won't work in every situation, but, if you can make that work it is so much better for the kid....

 

[Sammea]

GOOD LUCK! sounds like your pretty awsome dad and you care i would do anything for my little girls.. and times have changed children go with there dads all the time now!