You know you're a republican if:
You are more upset about Brokeback Mountain than Abu Ghraib.
I thought both were stupid, irrelevant and had their importance inflated by the media.
You can’t stand Hilary Clinton’s hair but you have no problem with Tom DeLay’s.
She looks like she has a stick, wrapped in razor wire shoved up her ass, and she even talks like it. High pitched, squeaky nauseating voice. Who the fuck's looking at her hair?
You think Global Warming is no big deal but environmentalists are a major problem.
The world would be better off if the Environmentalists would pay more attention to the climate over the last 10 years, which has been showing a cooling trend.
You support the "war on drugs" but think Rush Limbaugh is being prosecuted unfairly.
Don't support the War on Drugs, and don't really care for Rush Limbaugh.
You think professional athletes make too much money but Sam Walton’s kids deserve everything they have.
I don't know if they deserve it, but they do deserve to keep it, because their father earned it, and thus did deserve it.
Besides, the alternative is the government, and the last thing I think the government needs is more money.
You like the way George Bush walks.
:: blinks :: You know, I'm beginning to understand why liberals act so stupid on a routine basis. They give a damn more about a politicians hair, clothing and how they walk than what platform they are campaigning on.
You think Al Gore is "wooden" and Donald Rumsfeld has charisma.
I don't think he's wooden, he's just a shit-eating-maggot as can be verified by his shit eating grin.
You think CNN is biased but Fox News is neutral.
Don't watch either, don't have an opinion.
You like the sound of Newt Gingrich’s voice.
Haven't heard him speak, but have seen his writings, and he actually has substance behind his belief's. It's just too bad he's a politician instead of a statesman.
You are sure the United States has the best education and health care systems in the world.
No, the education system sucks because it's been hijacked by the National Association of Teachers, or whatever their stupid union is. And as a result retarded teachers in New York are still on payroll doing nothing, while real teachers have to deal with lousy pay.
There's a reason why Performance based Pay is a good thing.
As far as healthcare, it beats the alternatives. At least in our system if I don't need Healthcare I don't have to pay for it.
You think Dick Cheney is a straight shooter.
Don't know
You think Michael Chertoff’s beard makes him look distinguished.
Who?
You think the problem with our health care system is lawyers.
Actually Lawyer's are the problem with our entire society.
You think it was more important to locate Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress than to locate weapons of mass destruction.
Strange, I thought that was Bill Clinton's priorities, but at least unlike Clinton we don't think it's more important to get a BJ than to go after a Terrorist that has attacked our country.
You don’t believe "terrorism" has made Rudy Giuliani an incredibly rich man.
I don't honestly know.
You believe freedom of speech covers everything Pat Robertson says and does, but burning a flag should be illegal.
Personally, I think Freedom of Speech means that as long as its not slander or libel then it should be possible to say it.
Though speaking of burning flags, at least we don't get our panties in a wad when some one displays the Confederate Flag. Regardless of what you wish, that is part of our heritage. It does a lot of good to remember that the Federalists are intolerant fucks that will stop at nothing to take this country down in its entirety.
You can be in the same room with Brit Hume.
Who?
You have yourself convinced that the country and world are better off now than 5 years ago.
No, Obama's now in office, of course the World's not a better place.
You believe the "greenhouse effect" means better gardens.
No, I typically think of Venus, which is about 30 Million miles closer to the Sun.
You believe God is everywhere - except your motel room.
:: shrugs :: You really should figure out how many Democrats believe the same thing...