Lets Hear Some JOKES!
- Thread starter GangaFarmer420
- Start date
FrontaLobotomy
Well-Known Member
You talkin about me? That's a bit harsh as I was only being ironic. Sorry for being too highbrow if that's the case. Use downers dribbling on our first class honours, what a travesty.
Jokes are not my forté unfortunately, but I do have some interesting quotables; When Voltair was on his deathbed, a priest offered him the chance to repent his sins and renounce satan. His response? "My friend, now is not the time to be making enemies"
MisterMicro
Well-Known Member
Actually that was my joke but thats hella funny you thought i was talking about you.
GangaFarmer420
Well-Known Member
LOL you guys are hilarious
FrontaLobotomy
Well-Known Member
Lol! That is actually pretty funny. My mistake.Actually that was my joke but thats hella funny you thought i was talking about you.
A man and his wife are driving through the countryside when they come across a farmyard. They have a look inside and notice there's a pig in a pen with 3 wooden legs.
They ask the farmer what the deal is with the legs. He replies "That pig, he's amazing. One time, my barn caught fire and I was trapped inside under a broken support beam, that pig broke in and pulled me out, he saved my life!".
While the couple were amazed, they were still wondering about those wooden legs and asked again. He replies "That pig, he's a saviour. I was out in the field ploughing with the tractor and it toppled over, trapping me underneath. The pig came again and dragged me out from under the tractor".
Shocked and amazed, the couple were still wondering why the pig had 3 wooden legs, so asked again. The farmer said "Well, you can't eat a magnificent pig like that all at once..."
XxNinjaxX
Well-Known Member
Eww, bird poop. Um was it a Mountain Lion? Btw, is this joke going anywhere?
v12xjs
Well-Known Member
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
GangaFarmer420
Well-Known Member
LOL no doubt keep em comin!! awesome response too this thread!! 
GangaFarmer420
Well-Known Member
Its the joke that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend.
ginger!
gods way of adding humour in to our beautiful world
grobofotwanky
Well-Known Member
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "The morning Eve and I made love for the first time." God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?" Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny." ..........got that one in my e-mail a while back.
grobofotwanky
Well-Known Member
now for one of my favorites.
One day a mother is cleaning the house when she notices that her daughters parrot has passed away sometime in the night. She rushes to the pet store to find a replacement. She is shocked when she sees the price of the new birds. She notices one marked $5. She asks the clerk why this particular bird is so cheap. Raised in a whorehouse, the clerk responds. Not seeing the harm she buys the bird and rushes back home. Upon placing the bird in the cage, he looks around as says, new house, new mistress. Not so bad, the mother thinks to herself. Her daughters return from school, new house, new mistress, new ladies, she bird exclaims. The mother thinks, whats the harm? A few hours later her husband returns from work, as the wife leads him to the new family pet, the bird says, Whats been goin on Steve?
One day a mother is cleaning the house when she notices that her daughters parrot has passed away sometime in the night. She rushes to the pet store to find a replacement. She is shocked when she sees the price of the new birds. She notices one marked $5. She asks the clerk why this particular bird is so cheap. Raised in a whorehouse, the clerk responds. Not seeing the harm she buys the bird and rushes back home. Upon placing the bird in the cage, he looks around as says, new house, new mistress. Not so bad, the mother thinks to herself. Her daughters return from school, new house, new mistress, new ladies, she bird exclaims. The mother thinks, whats the harm? A few hours later her husband returns from work, as the wife leads him to the new family pet, the bird says, Whats been goin on Steve?
ROBINBANKS
New Member
A man goes to a bar to meet his blind date, woman comes in and both stand at the bar talking, woman says to guy ''why do you keep looking at your watch ?
Guy says well its my sex watch it tells me stuff,
Whats it telling you now she says,
Its telling me your not wearing any panties,
Well your watch is wrong she says,
Yeh but its 1 hour fast.
Guy says well its my sex watch it tells me stuff,
Whats it telling you now she says,
Its telling me your not wearing any panties,
Well your watch is wrong she says,
Yeh but its 1 hour fast.
ROBINBANKS
New Member
3 Proud Parents
3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing.
The first man says, "My son has been doing so successful as a lawyer he got a mansion and shares it with his friend."
The second mans says, "My son has been so successful as a doctor that he bought a converatable and a private jet for his friend."
The third man says, "Well, my son hasn't been so "successful". In fact, I just learned he was gay and I've accepted that fact. I guess he must be doing good though because he lives in a mansion with his friend and owns a private jet and a convertable."
3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing.
The first man says, "My son has been doing so successful as a lawyer he got a mansion and shares it with his friend."
The second mans says, "My son has been so successful as a doctor that he bought a converatable and a private jet for his friend."
The third man says, "Well, my son hasn't been so "successful". In fact, I just learned he was gay and I've accepted that fact. I guess he must be doing good though because he lives in a mansion with his friend and owns a private jet and a convertable."
captain chronizzle
Well-Known Member
Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
A: Because pot holder was taken
A: Because pot holder was taken