minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
The other day, my boss said my coworkers like me, and are my "friend." This confused me, and he could tell, but he left it. Here's the confusion: Aside from the boss lady, and on occasion a little bit here, I've NEVER confided in anyone. I never felt the need to. When something goes wrong, I grab my phone, so I can find the right person to help fix the problem. I don't need a buddy to tell me I'm in the shit, I need a person to answer at the other end and let me know that Mr. Wolf is coming.
I've always felt uncomfortable with "good job" or "nice work." Anything said with that inflection of sincere appreciation, an emotional compliment. I didn't do the work with emotion, so it confuses me. I also don't understand pranks. Because of MOTIVE, it's ok for someone to fuck with me? And, because my motive is not of a jovial nature, my fucking with them back is bad? To wit: idiots leaving shit in my trucks, I put it in their car -- obviously, they wanted to keep it, or they'd have thrown it out, right? Not so! I get a lecture. Then, my truck is tampered with, stupid shit, but shit that makes my day go a bit slower. Boss tells me I'm minding my truck a bit too much, I tell him I'm un-fucking it up. He laughs, and says "they're just playing pranks." I told him I don't understand pranks, it's still malicious, and the sub motive must therefore be malicious, he argues that I'm over thinking it.
A good bit of it comes from a very strict RC upbringing. A lot of guilt I was supposed to feel, but never did. I was told that I shouldn't sin because Jesus died for my sins. I said "Than I SHOULD sin, or he died for nothing." I was told that "New sins make them punish him, more." I said "That's not true, that's in the past." They said "For God, anything's possible." I said "Well, if God wants to hurt himself more, for my sinning, he must like it." Leather belt shut me up. (I clearly recall this one, I was in 2nd grade, and was very articulate. It was over summer holiday, I was about halfway through William Shakespeare's collective works and had taken a break to read Crime and Punishment.)
I've always felt uncomfortable with "good job" or "nice work." Anything said with that inflection of sincere appreciation, an emotional compliment. I didn't do the work with emotion, so it confuses me. I also don't understand pranks. Because of MOTIVE, it's ok for someone to fuck with me? And, because my motive is not of a jovial nature, my fucking with them back is bad? To wit: idiots leaving shit in my trucks, I put it in their car -- obviously, they wanted to keep it, or they'd have thrown it out, right? Not so! I get a lecture. Then, my truck is tampered with, stupid shit, but shit that makes my day go a bit slower. Boss tells me I'm minding my truck a bit too much, I tell him I'm un-fucking it up. He laughs, and says "they're just playing pranks." I told him I don't understand pranks, it's still malicious, and the sub motive must therefore be malicious, he argues that I'm over thinking it.
A good bit of it comes from a very strict RC upbringing. A lot of guilt I was supposed to feel, but never did. I was told that I shouldn't sin because Jesus died for my sins. I said "Than I SHOULD sin, or he died for nothing." I was told that "New sins make them punish him, more." I said "That's not true, that's in the past." They said "For God, anything's possible." I said "Well, if God wants to hurt himself more, for my sinning, he must like it." Leather belt shut me up. (I clearly recall this one, I was in 2nd grade, and was very articulate. It was over summer holiday, I was about halfway through William Shakespeare's collective works and had taken a break to read Crime and Punishment.)
