So I had a knock at the door earlier, peered out the curtains, saw a flat bed truck with gardening equipment and instantly knew what was happening, and went to the door:
Caller: "oh er, sorry mate, I could have sworn an old person lived here"
Me: "yeah my garden needs a trim, I'm a lazy fuck"
What I really wanted to say was:
"Yes, I live in a predominantly retired neighbourhood, and have let my garden overgrow just a little, but remaining neat, with symmetrical flower pots that still have blooms out of season, and an immaculately kept 12 year old Nissan Micra on the drive, with a traditional trilby hat on the rear shelf. This has been done on purpose in an attempt to slide under the radar so that should the police get a report of my activities, they will likely do a drive-by and decide 'bad info - retired occupant'...thank you for validating my efforts"