doctorRobert
Well-Known Member
I wonder if we could get everyone to post on this thread like at least once that would be awesome! EVERYBODY TELL OTHERS ABOUT THIS THREAD IN ALL YOUR OTHER SUBSCRIBED THREADS AND TELL PEOPLE TO POST HERE!!! lol
BIGGEST THREAD in RIU History
- Thread starter Garden Knowm
- Start date
badman2424
Well-Known Member
We TaRdED
Well-Known Member
doctorRobert
Well-Known Member
well let's fucking post!!!!!!!
haha lol
Chiceh
Global Mod, Stoner Chic
Q. What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A. Politicians dont inhale...they just suck.
*Did you hear about the stoners that locked their keys in the car ? It took them two hours to get out.
Q. How do you get a one armed hippie out of a tree ?
A. You pass him a joint.
Q. What do you get when you eat marijuana ?
A. A pot belly
Q. What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs ?
A. Double jointed.
*Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.
Q. How do fish party ?
A. Seaweed.
Q. Hear about the stoner who put his condom on backwards ?
A. He went.
Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A. Malnutrition.
Q. What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A. A Liar.
Q. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A. When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.
*Stoner good fortune: When you are cleaning your room and find some hooch you forgot about.
*Stoner Pick-up Line: Hey i have a 9 inch joint.
*You might be a stoner if your bong gets washed more than your dishes.
*There is a thin line between love and hate. Its starts about halfway through the joint.
*Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of good pot.
Q. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner ?
A. The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the stoner will wait for it to turn green.
Q. Why did the pot head plant cheerios ?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
*Two stoners were walking and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One stoner says to the other- Wow he had to go bad.
*The stoner went to a bar. He hasnt had any nookie in awhile. He saw this chick leaning on the cigarette machine in a dark corner and decided to talk to her. Hey baby i know this is a little forward but i dont get out much so im willing to take a chance. Why dont me and you go to your place and get stoned, maybe cuddle and make a little whoopie. She looked up at the stoner and said - I cant right now, im on my menstrual cycle. The stoner scratched his head and thought for a second - its ok Ill follow you, Im on my honda.
A. Politicians dont inhale...they just suck.
*Did you hear about the stoners that locked their keys in the car ? It took them two hours to get out.
Q. How do you get a one armed hippie out of a tree ?
A. You pass him a joint.
Q. What do you get when you eat marijuana ?
A. A pot belly
Q. What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs ?
A. Double jointed.
*Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.
Q. How do fish party ?
A. Seaweed.
Q. Hear about the stoner who put his condom on backwards ?
A. He went.
Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A. Malnutrition.
Q. What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A. A Liar.
Q. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A. When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.
*Stoner good fortune: When you are cleaning your room and find some hooch you forgot about.
*Stoner Pick-up Line: Hey i have a 9 inch joint.
*You might be a stoner if your bong gets washed more than your dishes.
*There is a thin line between love and hate. Its starts about halfway through the joint.
*Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of good pot.
Q. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner ?
A. The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the stoner will wait for it to turn green.
Q. Why did the pot head plant cheerios ?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
*Two stoners were walking and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One stoner says to the other- Wow he had to go bad.
*The stoner went to a bar. He hasnt had any nookie in awhile. He saw this chick leaning on the cigarette machine in a dark corner and decided to talk to her. Hey baby i know this is a little forward but i dont get out much so im willing to take a chance. Why dont me and you go to your place and get stoned, maybe cuddle and make a little whoopie. She looked up at the stoner and said - I cant right now, im on my menstrual cycle. The stoner scratched his head and thought for a second - its ok Ill follow you, Im on my honda.
Manny Ramirez
Well-Known Member
doctorRobert
Well-Known Member
lol I like the one about the stop sign!
badman2424
Well-Known Member
badman2424
Well-Known Member
Hilarious Stupidity Joke: Pick Up Lines And Replies
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: May I see you pretty soon?
Woman: Don't you think I'm pretty now?
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. or Stop.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Let's start with your bank account.
Man: May I have the last dance?
Woman: You've just had it.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man: May I see you pretty soon?
Woman: Don't you think I'm pretty now?
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. or Stop.
Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Let's start with your bank account.
Man: May I have the last dance?
Woman: You've just had it.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing
badman2424
Well-Known Member
Special High Intensive Training
For best results, print this one out on company letterhead and send it on its way...
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well rained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR of INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)
For best results, print this one out on company letterhead and send it on its way...
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well rained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR of INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)
wolfensan
Well-Known Member
no kidding...this is the face he made when they told him
Does it look like he has tater build up on his bottom teeth?
badman2424
Well-Known Member
If Santa answered his letters...
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.
-Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
SweetDreams!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.
-Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
SweetDreams!
Santa
Wikidbchofthewst
Well-Known Member
Little Johnny desperately wanted a bright red wagon for Christmas. His friends were writing letters to Santa Claus, so Johnny decided to do them one better.
"Dear Jesus," he wrote, "If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will not fight with my brother Hank for a year." Then Johnny thought, 'Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise.' So Johnny threw away the letter and wrote another one.
"Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year." Then Johnny thought, 'Oh, no, that means spinach and asparagus. Yuck! I could never ever keep that promise.'
Then Johnny had an idea. He threw away the paper and went downstairs to the living room. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the family's statue of the Virgin Mary. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers then stuffed the newspapers into a grocery bag. He took the package upstairs to his room, opened the closet and placed the whole works in the farthest, darkest corner. Then he closed the closet door tightly, took a new sheet of paper and wrote: "Dear Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."
"Dear Jesus," he wrote, "If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will not fight with my brother Hank for a year." Then Johnny thought, 'Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise.' So Johnny threw away the letter and wrote another one.
"Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year." Then Johnny thought, 'Oh, no, that means spinach and asparagus. Yuck! I could never ever keep that promise.'
Then Johnny had an idea. He threw away the paper and went downstairs to the living room. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the family's statue of the Virgin Mary. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers then stuffed the newspapers into a grocery bag. He took the package upstairs to his room, opened the closet and placed the whole works in the farthest, darkest corner. Then he closed the closet door tightly, took a new sheet of paper and wrote: "Dear Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."
Wikidbchofthewst
Well-Known Member
"When I was young I used to pray for a bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness." - Emo Phillips
ceestyle
Well-Known Member
I like that.
We TaRdED
Well-Known Member
war with iran!! whooohooo....
wtf, when are we going to wake up?
YouTube - FOX ATTACKS: Iran
wtf, when are we going to wake up?
YouTube - FOX ATTACKS: Iran
Wikidbchofthewst
Well-Known Member
Dude, wetarded, I love you, you know this, but all this war/government talk is bringing my high down. I mean, thinking about how my government is fucking me over, it just....isn't fun.