I Once.

I once freaked out in the passenger seat of a car as we were driving on the freeway, because I thought I saw a lobster clinging to the side view mirror. I was pretty high.
 
I once shard'ed my pants at the begginging of a work shift. I didn't know what to do so i just kept working telling everybody I was having bad gas. One of my co-workers jokingly asked if I shit myself.

...

I "jokingly" said yes
 
I once won $60K on 1 hand(belive that shit) in a game of blackjack at the Borgata Hotel & casino in Atlantic city NJ....Them were the time now its over, married 8 years 2 girls later.37....
 
I used to work at an ER, and once I had to try to resuscitate a four day old baby who had drowned in a gallon of white paint.
 
I once stole a bike from a rental store 3 days later I got hit by car the guy drove away w\o even getting out to see if i was alright
 
I once drank all the condiments in someone's fridge and then drank fish tank water and ended up throwing it all up in their sink.
 
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