Carne Seca
Well-Known Member
She's a danger to herself and to others. Have her committed. There is more going on than drug abuse. She needs a psych evaluation.
My sister, her substance abuse and legal problems, any suggestions/advice?
- Thread starter Padawanbater2
- Start date
i dont understand why families torture themselves because a member has an addiction. tell her to go somewhere else to kill herself, you want no part of it, period. restraining order is #1, all new locks and hit the bricks bitch. all you can do is enable her(even if your not trying) by letting her come around.she's already gone bro, thats certainly not your sister anymore. hopefully, she can find herself again, but she has to do that on her own.ohh, by the way, i'm 24 years off h, i know a little of what i speak. best luck to you and your family...peace
Balzac89
Well-Known Member
Welcome to the future! Sorry though. This is what society breeds. Shes been programmed.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
I lost a step-daughter to drugs and alcohol. Rehab didn't work. Nothing worked. Her mother was her albatross and ended up giving her her finally dosage. She died on her mother's floor while her mother was passed out.
Then her mother's friend died the same way in her co-op less than a month later. Then another friend died there too, a few weeks beyond that.
Without a complete change, I personally, don't see a good outcome. I'm sorry. I have seen some inwardly strong people who have beaten that monster, but not many.
Your sister will be in my prayers.
Then her mother's friend died the same way in her co-op less than a month later. Then another friend died there too, a few weeks beyond that.
Without a complete change, I personally, don't see a good outcome. I'm sorry. I have seen some inwardly strong people who have beaten that monster, but not many.
Your sister will be in my prayers.
kentuckyboy
Well-Known Member
I've been through this myself, and I have seen my parents and friends go through it as well. The best advice I can give you is to try and get her into rehab. Otherwise she is going to die or kill someone else with her drinking and driving. She obviously has some issues going on that she needs to talk to someone about. More than likely rehab won't work unless she has hit her rock bottom and wants to change her life around. The only way she is going to hit rock bottom is if you and your family stop helping her out. I know that sounds awful and is extremely hard to do when you love someone, but it has to be done. I hate to here all this about your sister. I know that it is stressful on everyone. She has a long hard road ahead of her. Best of luck!
meechz 024
Active Member
Force her to enter rehab or take away everything, you can also tell her that if she doesn't get help she could go to the psychiatric ward for what she's doing.
The fact that she can't remember her drunken hysteria prior nights could mean she has some serious deep emotional problems. She's coming back to apologize to you after lashing out, so that might be a sign that she is crying for help.
It sounds like Bi-Polar and alcoholism to me but I'm no specialist. I would let her know how easy she can end up in the ward, if it was my situation. Good luck with this.
The fact that she can't remember her drunken hysteria prior nights could mean she has some serious deep emotional problems. She's coming back to apologize to you after lashing out, so that might be a sign that she is crying for help.
It sounds like Bi-Polar and alcoholism to me but I'm no specialist. I would let her know how easy she can end up in the ward, if it was my situation. Good luck with this.
guy incognito
Well-Known Member
Clearly the answer is to post naked pictures on RIU.
But seriously, you guys gotta stop enabling her. Give her a big ol boot to the ass and tell her to go get her life on some where else. She will either continue down the path she is on, but be out of your life, or she will get her shit together at which point you can let her back into your life. You can't force her to do anything though, she's gotta do it on her own. My sister ended up in prison for her substance problems. Prison is better than the cemetery though, and hopefully she changes her life around and will be a decent person when she gets out. Hopefully something kicks your sisters ass in to shape before she ends up dead or in prison.
But seriously, you guys gotta stop enabling her. Give her a big ol boot to the ass and tell her to go get her life on some where else. She will either continue down the path she is on, but be out of your life, or she will get her shit together at which point you can let her back into your life. You can't force her to do anything though, she's gotta do it on her own. My sister ended up in prison for her substance problems. Prison is better than the cemetery though, and hopefully she changes her life around and will be a decent person when she gets out. Hopefully something kicks your sisters ass in to shape before she ends up dead or in prison.
Padawanbater2
Well-Known Member
I feel like kicking her out and closing the door on her will exasperate it, she'll end up hating everyone, especially if her junkie mind makes any attempt at justifying it. She'll think "fuck them, they don't give a damn about me so why should I care about them" and make her feel like she has nowhere else to turn to. Even though I pretty much hate who she is now, I'm still concerned for her safety, as well as my parents safety if she wound up dead somewhere one day. They'd feel like it was their fault.
On the other hand, the enabling bullshit has to stop, but if she doesn't get it from our family, she'll get it from friends/boyfriends. As I said, she's really good at manipulating people. She knows exactly what people want to hear and has no problem lying to get what she wants. So again, same sort of issue, everyone tells her "no more", she'll resent all of us and get it somewhere else and have the same sort of sentiment about the situation.
Most selfish fucking person on the planet.
On the other hand, the enabling bullshit has to stop, but if she doesn't get it from our family, she'll get it from friends/boyfriends. As I said, she's really good at manipulating people. She knows exactly what people want to hear and has no problem lying to get what she wants. So again, same sort of issue, everyone tells her "no more", she'll resent all of us and get it somewhere else and have the same sort of sentiment about the situation.
Most selfish fucking person on the planet.
guy incognito
Well-Known Member
Let somebody else deal with her then. If she doesn't want to stop doing drugs and acting selfish then she won't. No one has any control over her fate other than her.
Padawanbater2
Well-Known Member
@ Carne, you're absolutely right, she's got some underlying mental issues that go unchecked. But my mom has been diagnosed as being bi-polar and has refused any treatment (other than her own drugs herself), since a year after she was told, her justification being "the drugs make me feel like a zombie", which I understand, but doesn't make using meth OK.
I'm positive she's got some of the same type of shit, if not worse, and it's only compounded by the substances she abuses. I'm actually surprised she hasn't been beaten to death by someone yet, I'm the calmest, most collected person I know and she's gotten me to the point where all that goes out the window and people have had to hold me back so I don't kick her teeth in. She's so disrespectful to my parents it's humiliating, I'd never imagine even thinking the shit she tells them to their face.
She asked my dad for $10 before her episode last night "for gas", and I told him "why the fuck are you paying for her gas?" (it's actually her 28 year old boyfriends who has 3 kids gas), and he said "well what the hell else am I supposed to do?", she told him she needed gas to get to the courthouse to take care of her other charges (lie), and used that money to buy alcohol. One of those lies I was talking about earlier. After she jumped out of the car he said he's not giving her any more money, so hopefully he sticks to that.. She has no sense of respect for anyone, and feels completely entitled to everything. If I didn't know her and someone was telling me this stuff about their sister, I'd definitely think they were exaggerating.
I'm positive she's got some of the same type of shit, if not worse, and it's only compounded by the substances she abuses. I'm actually surprised she hasn't been beaten to death by someone yet, I'm the calmest, most collected person I know and she's gotten me to the point where all that goes out the window and people have had to hold me back so I don't kick her teeth in. She's so disrespectful to my parents it's humiliating, I'd never imagine even thinking the shit she tells them to their face.
She asked my dad for $10 before her episode last night "for gas", and I told him "why the fuck are you paying for her gas?" (it's actually her 28 year old boyfriends who has 3 kids gas), and he said "well what the hell else am I supposed to do?", she told him she needed gas to get to the courthouse to take care of her other charges (lie), and used that money to buy alcohol. One of those lies I was talking about earlier. After she jumped out of the car he said he's not giving her any more money, so hopefully he sticks to that.. She has no sense of respect for anyone, and feels completely entitled to everything. If I didn't know her and someone was telling me this stuff about their sister, I'd definitely think they were exaggerating.
Ringsixty
Well-Known Member
My Son went down this same dark path in life.We did 2 interventions.. with out success.
He ended up getting locked away for 5 years. Since, getting out 3 years ago he has been straight and see things in a different light.
But, I'm very cautious that he may slip again one day.
We can always hope for the best.
Hope, your sister can make a 180.
Good luck
He ended up getting locked away for 5 years. Since, getting out 3 years ago he has been straight and see things in a different light.
But, I'm very cautious that he may slip again one day.
We can always hope for the best.
Hope, your sister can make a 180.
Good luck
AltarNation
Well-Known Member
In one of his talks, Ram Dass relates a story of a South American tribe wherein when a tribe member acts up, instead of intervening to tell him all the ways his decisions are ruining their lives, they gather together to tell the person all the things they DO like about them, genuinely. Rather than focus on what they DON'T like, they genuinely lock onto and remind the person of the qualities that make them amazing.
It becomes a celebration of the individual, and rather than drive them into further darkness for how their wrongdoings have negatively affected their loved ones, it heals the wounds of rejection and the resulting rebellions that fester under the surface of such behavior.
This is a possibility, if it resonates with you.
Beyond that... I believe Guy Incognito's advice is sound. If you say someone else will just enable her if you don't, then so be it. Watch out for yourself and the majority of your loved ones. But it is honestly VERY presumptuous of you to assume you know what will happen if you cut her off... it smells like an excuse to avoid it, to me. Just saying.
It becomes a celebration of the individual, and rather than drive them into further darkness for how their wrongdoings have negatively affected their loved ones, it heals the wounds of rejection and the resulting rebellions that fester under the surface of such behavior.
This is a possibility, if it resonates with you.
Beyond that... I believe Guy Incognito's advice is sound. If you say someone else will just enable her if you don't, then so be it. Watch out for yourself and the majority of your loved ones. But it is honestly VERY presumptuous of you to assume you know what will happen if you cut her off... it smells like an excuse to avoid it, to me. Just saying.
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
The red is the key. You and your parents must decide to wash your hands of just that. Until you do, you're giving her enough purchase to keep the game afloat. The "tough" part of tough love is to say "I love you very much, but I'm stopping with supporting or tolerating your behavior ... and that's not negotiable". It's a hard thing to do, but it's the road to survival for yourself and your parents. Your task may be confronting and convincing your parents of the necessity. I won't whitewash the chance that your sister will end up dead at the end of a freefall, and you need to be willing to stare that in the eye. But if she's to have a chance of rebuilding a self-directed, self-respecting life, she must be cut quite loose.
You have to form a unified, unshakable front. My opinion. cn
Grandpapy
Well-Known Member
My experience has been, an addict will use their family till the family cuts ties. Tell her "I love you, but you need help" (she will know it, or soon realize it). Close the door on her.
She will use her friends, until they too cut ties. Once they are of no help. she MIGHT look for help if you/she are/is lucky.
It's gut wrenching to see a loved one to go thru this and even harder to push them away.
The sooner she sees she's going to die, the sooner she may come back to live a somewhat normal life.
She is dependent on an altered state of reality, that tells her she can't function with out it. She need to WANT to quit.
You on the other hand need to take care of yourself. Your turn to be selfish/with love. She is causing stress in your life and everyone she is around. She is TOXIC to you and your family.
Pad, I know you got alot on your plate with your family, Don't forget your own mental health.
She will use her friends, until they too cut ties. Once they are of no help. she MIGHT look for help if you/she are/is lucky.
It's gut wrenching to see a loved one to go thru this and even harder to push them away.
The sooner she sees she's going to die, the sooner she may come back to live a somewhat normal life.
She is dependent on an altered state of reality, that tells her she can't function with out it. She need to WANT to quit.
You on the other hand need to take care of yourself. Your turn to be selfish/with love. She is causing stress in your life and everyone she is around. She is TOXIC to you and your family.
Pad, I know you got alot on your plate with your family, Don't forget your own mental health.
Metasynth
Well-Known Member
To all those who say to "cut ties" with her...You DO realize that any somewhat attractive young woman doesn't need her family for support, and if she's as good at the lying and manipulation as Pada says, her family giving her the cold shoulder WILL just make her harbor resentment. But it's not going to break the addiction. She'll bounce from one dealer to another, using her body to get free drugs and a place to stay. She's gonna be all used up by 30, probably wind up with a disease from sharing needles(if she doesn't slam already, she will if you kick her out) or unprotected sex. But it's relatively easy for girls to find drugs, a place to stay, and a bite to eat(or 'ensure' to drink, for you tweekers)
At least, that is my opinion. I think jail is a better place for someone like that. Or if you COULD have her comitted, like Carne said, that would be an option as well...Though I've heard of patients encountering high levels of abuse from the employees in mental institutions.
At least, that is my opinion. I think jail is a better place for someone like that. Or if you COULD have her comitted, like Carne said, that would be an option as well...Though I've heard of patients encountering high levels of abuse from the employees in mental institutions.
Padawanbater2
Well-Known Member
She needs prison or a metal health facility that doesn't let her leave imo. Otherwise she'll just continue to use and have no reason to stop.
I've never seen anyone get as out of control hysterical as her, multiple times. At first I had no clue why someone would act like that, now it seems pretty clear, mental issues + no reason to be optimistic about the future other than to continue using + drugs = one unstable person.
I've never seen anyone get as out of control hysterical as her, multiple times. At first I had no clue why someone would act like that, now it seems pretty clear, mental issues + no reason to be optimistic about the future other than to continue using + drugs = one unstable person.
Metasynth
Well-Known Member
Well, that says it. Prison or the looney bin...I guess push finally came to shove. BTW, meth rules SP...My 'primo' from SP is a tweeker and an alchoholic too...Seems to come with the territory.
Good luck, Pada. If you need someone to blow smoke with and talk, you know I'm close.
Good luck, Pada. If you need someone to blow smoke with and talk, you know I'm close.
budsmoker87
New Member
your mentality is weak and so is your father's and mother's
you're all enablers. nothing more, nothing less
she'll continue to get worse IN FRONT OF YOU because you pussies refuse to stand up to her and say "no more food, car, house, money, nothing"
I felt very hopeless last summer as I had a SHIT job with very little money coming in and yet my parents and i fighting and them egging me to move out, which was fucking impossible with the money I was making. Then I grew a bunch of weed, made myself a few grand, funded my trip to the oil field and never looked back
I've been home for a little over a week and just now my parents are telling me "get out. you dont do your dishes, it creates stress, we don't want you here"
if your sister had my parents this shit would NOT fly, not even for a split fucking second. Grow a backbone goddammit. Otherwise I'll take this thread as comedy like the other "trolls" because it literally accomplishes nothing
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