My sister, her substance abuse and legal problems, any suggestions/advice?

The worst thing to do is turn your back on her,I'm telling you man get her some help,or you will get a visit to your home by officers saying she is dead.

hah she'll die on the road that she's on NOWthat her family is paving for her

rainman36 said:

The worst thing to do is turn your back on her,I'm telling you man get her some help,or you will get a visit to your home by officers saying she is dead.

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So how do you recommend balancing the two goals - helping her, and closing avenues for enablement? Remember that she's not a willing participant. cn

(OPTIONS)

1.Never give up on her,until she finally realizes that she indeed needs the help.

2.Fuck her,let her die.

I didn't bother reading any posts other then the 1st one.....so this probably has been said already: leave her in jail to clean up. Maybe a good 6 month stay will wake her up some. Then, a good "away" drug/alcohol program for another 6-12 months will break the destructive path she's on. She's obviously a mess, a long period away from her family, boyfriend, friends and that environment will allow her to reset and start over. I've seen it many times before- she's a hardcore case and drastic steps need to be taken or she'll probably be dead within a year or two......

Winter Woman said:

I lost a step-daughter to drugs and alcohol. Rehab didn't work. Nothing worked. Her mother was her albatross and ended up giving her her finally dosage. She died on her mother's floor while her mother was passed out.

Then her mother's friend died the same way in her co-op less than a month later. Then another friend died there too, a few weeks beyond that.

Without a complete change, I personally, don't see a good outcome. I'm sorry. I have seen some inwardly strong people who have beaten that monster, but not many.

Your sister will be in my prayers.

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mmmhm sadly this is how it goes i have an ex bf whos an drug and alcohol adict and hes still at it now been to rehab like 4 times now... hes going to kill himself he will never sober up and i know it.. so sadly this is how some go,they cannot get their shit together, and they end up dying because of it. sadly nothing you do or your parents do will stop her from doing what shes doing, she has to WANT to do it herself to fully commit to getting clean ,
it sucks but thats how it is.

rainman36 said:

(OPTIONS)

1.Never give up on her,until she finally realizes that she indeed needs the help.

2.Fuck her,let her die.

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it's not "fuck her, let her die" ....it's "fuck her, we're not gonna financially support her killing herself or watch her kill herself" ....fuck is wrong witchu?!

Padawanbater2 said:

She needs prison or a metal health facility that doesn't let her leave imo. Otherwise she'll just continue to use and have no reason to stop.

I've never seen anyone get as out of control hysterical as her, multiple times. At first I had no clue why someone would act like that, now it seems pretty clear, mental issues + no reason to be optimistic about the future other than to continue using + drugs = one unstable person.

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Call your state's department of health and find out what is required to have her committed. Get her committed. Let a staff of professionals try and help her (willing or not). Follow through and don't waiver. This will send a message that you are no longer fucking around or dealing with her shit. She will get the hint. One of two things will happen. She will try or she won't try to get help. This will determine your actions towards her after she is released. You can welcome her with open arms and a fatted calf or you can have her possessions boxed and on the porch. A restraining order should come in handy.

Either shit or get off the pot, Pad. You're going to have to face this. She is a bully and an opportunist with a dash of bat-shit-crazy thrown in for good measure. Don't let her drag your family into ruin along with her.

Like I said before, get her out of your life. She won't be able to take advantage or use you, you wont be enabling her,,and you won't have the stress of putting up with her or her bullshit.

She needs to fall down on her own. The choice is hers if she wants to get better or just say fuck it. But cut your ties and go on with your life

cannabineer said:

Are you unfamiliar with our Bucky? He simply delights in well-placed crassness. Don't take it seriously, is my advice. cn

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Metasynth said:

Hey, calm down guys...It's Buck...He can't control it, he has his trollfingers on.

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at some point though, doesn't it just get worn out and predictable? doe he not see that it is worn out and predictable? at what point does one look at themselves and realize, yeah, it is kinda worn out?

i bet he giggles every time he hits "post reply".

Pad, These folks know what you are going through.......they can help you, get the help she needs.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

fdd2blk said:

at some point though, doesn't it just get worn out and predictable? doe he not see that it is worn out and predictable? at what point does one look at themselves and realize, yeah, it is kinda worn out?

i bet he giggles every time he hits "post reply".

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[video=youtube;FMEe7JqBgvg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMEe7JqBgvg[/video]

If you want to make the behavior go away(the drinking) She needs to figure out whats eating her. It sounds like her and your father may have issues. She's looking for attention, and the only way she seems to get it is though being a psycho bitch. But it works for her. If she's been doing this since high school its going to be a hard hbbit to break. I believe a lot of young adults go bonkers like this because they have no structure to hold on to. She didn't do the educational rout, and she doesn't have a work schedual, and like someone else said she doesn't have to care for herself. You guys do that for her, by no fault of your own though I assume you love her. So she's hiding behind you guys and the question is from what. I'm not there, but I imagine there was a conversation, an act, something that flipped the switch to fear/anger. I guess if she doesn't want to talk about it, finding out whats happened in her past will be tough. But letting her know that you remember her being a different person may help. I find that being calm and genuine in telling people off is the best approach. Be completely honest while remaining completely calm. If she gets out of jail you should pick her up and take her out to eat to talk about it. or just go driving, smoke a bowl with her and talk. As long as you love her and are there to help she should let you help her. No body wants to be evil or mean. Its draining. She's got to be tired.
This is all anecdotal, but it's the truth as far as I'm concerned. Hope it helps.

Metasynth said:

To all those who say to "cut ties" with her...You DO realize that any somewhat attractive young woman doesn't need her family for support, and if she's as good at the lying and manipulation as Pada says, her family giving her the cold shoulder WILL just make her harbor resentment. But it's not going to break the addiction. She'll bounce from one dealer to another, using her body to get free drugs and a place to stay. She's gonna be all used up by 30, probably wind up with a disease from sharing needles(if she doesn't slam already, she will if you kick her out) or unprotected sex. But it's relatively easy for girls to find drugs, a place to stay, and a bite to eat(or 'ensure' to drink, for you tweekers)

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that thought did enter my mind, hence why i asked the question, but it turned into a better trollportunity.

anyhoo, i would look into state laws on involuntarily committing her if she is unwilling to be committed.

seems you all are over reacting. :/

Padawanbater2 said:

@ Elfood, I'm afraid that approach won't work.

At this point, I feel no love for her and I can't fake it. She's a psychotic, abusive, emotional train wreck. She needs to do time in prison or a mental health facility.


I believe she acts like this and is the way she is because she sees no light at the end of the tunnel, so in her mind "fuck it, why not?". What job could she get with her limited skill set, criminal background, and substance abuse problems? Probably not even at a fast food place. Not only that, she doesn't want a job, she's content draining everyone elses resources.

She's been like this my whole life as far as I can remember, and has been abusing drugs since she was 15, not including marijuana which she first tried at 12 or 13. All of her friends are just like her, the ones that aren't don't speak to her because they're smart enough to know she'll only drag them down, too.

She uses everything against you, before any of this happened and when I used to experiment with other things like MDMA, even gave her some one time for free, then during an argument between her and my dad and I, just to get out of it, she told him. I didn't speak to her for 2 months after that. I drink occasionally, if I tried to ask her about her substance abuse problems, she'd bring that up and call me an alcoholic..

She's a BITCH. I can't stand her. She expects everything to be fine the next day after she has one of her episodes. Meanwhile, I feel disgusted just looking at her.

I feel guilty not really caring what happens to her, the only thing I'm really worried about is what would happen to both of my parents if something happened to her.

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I hear what your saying.
This has got to be tough man. If its taking a toll on you in your life, maybe it is time to call it quits.
For less intense reasons I changed my relationship with pretty much my whole family. Sometimes we are better apart. I'm happier for it.
I hope the best for you man.

If she's causing you a lot of stress, stop communicating with her. Stress can destroy you physically, emotionally, and mentally, so it's best to eliminate all stress-causing factors in your life. Tell her you'll talk to her again when she's clean. If she tries to make you feel guilty tell her she's had plenty of chances and that you've tried to help countless times, enough is enough. Don't help her with anything.

Padawanbater2 said:

26 years old, 1 DUI, 3 or 4 drunk in public charges, 1 11550 (under the influence of a controlled substance), 1 car totaled, multiple fights, 4 iPhones lost/destroyed because of it all, no HS diploma, no GED, no job..

I just got back with my dad from picking her up from her boyfriends house, completely wasted, incoherent, hysterical. She called my mom, told her 'someone was threatening her with a knife', my mom called my dad, him and I went up there, she got in the car and made it two blocks before jumping out because my dad was angry and telling her she needs to stop this shit. Right now she's likely getting arrested and going to jail.

Two days ago, a cop came to our house and arrested her for a warrant. She was supposed to go to DIU classes that she never attended. Let her out a day later on OR.

Previous antics;

-Driving her car directly off a 9' embankment into a field, missing a telephone pole by 6' (would have been killed, no doubt about it), calling me 2 town over in the middle of the night to pick her up from a strangers house she met while walking to a gas station (because she left her phone, purse, and even her fucking shoes behind in the car), my girlfriend and I picked her up and she was so fucked up she couldn't even remember where her car was, it took us 45 minutes to finally find it. The inside was completely covered in mud and the front dash was basically detached from the rest of the car, wouldn't start, so we called a tow truck, waited an hour and a half for it to arrive (in the rain), I was so pissed I sat outside the car in the rain just so I didn't have to look at her or speak to her. Tow truck arrives and doesn't have the equipment to get it out of the ditch, we would have had to wait another 3 or 4 hours for a different truck to get there, I said fuck that and we left.

-Middle of the night, I was asleep on the couch, she came in, completely hammered again, and started hitting the keyboard on my computer hard enough to wake me up, I told her to calm down, we ended up getting into an argument and she got physical, I called the cops, they gave her the choice to go to jail for the night or go to a friends house, she got some of her stuff and went to a friends house. 5 hours later, she came back, just as fucked up and did the exact same thing again. This time I woke up and it got physical again, she tore my shirt off my body and hit me in the face, I picked her up and dragged her outside, called the cops again, same two guys came back and took her to jail. She spent 5 days in jail, came back and gave me some half assed apology I knew she didn't mean.

-11am, I'm on the computer, she wakes up, can't find something, I think it was her cigarettes, tears the house apart looking for them while getting more and more pissed off each passing minute, after long enough, I finally can't take it anymore, tell her to calm the fuck down, that lit the fuse, and again we were at it. She hit me in the face and spit on my face, I threw her the fuck out, again. I forget how that ended.. I think she just left..

-Crashed her car while drunk, totaled it, right after my dad put money into it to replace the damage she did to it when she crashed into that field, $500+, he paid for and fixed it himself and she crashed it less than a month later..

Oh yeah..

-She came home absolutely plastered, again, with a previous boyfriend, he asked us to take her because he couldn't deal with her, she didn't want to leave, this all happened right in front of our apartment complex in the middle of the night. She kicked his dash and broke off his gear shift so he couldn't leave, he had to leave his vehicle there and call someone to come get him. She was hysterical, again, came inside, kept it up for another 30 minutes, then passed out. When asked about it the next morning, she said she didn't remember any of it..


..and that's just scratching the surface..

What is the right course of action to take? I have no idea what to do about this, otherwise I wouldn't be posting about it on this forum, it's really pretty damn embarrassing..

Anyone ever dealt with a person like this before?

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Yes I am very sad to hear this because I know what you and your family goes through sadly enough our family member died , but not after a couple of decades of these situations . Armed crack dealers went to my cousins house - tied him up in a chair at gunpoint after kicking the door in and traded him the drivers licence of my other cousin for his television set . They said it was for the $250 of crack they had fronted til friday and they just couldnt wait til then . It was on a monday or a tuesday when this happened . Nothing we did stopped it . Eventually I gave up on trying to help and banished my cousin from my life . He was dead within a year and I feel like crap to this day about the whole thing .