All your shitty jokes
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Star Dog
Well-Known Member
Robert Burns | Poetry Foundation
Robert Burns was born in 1759, in Alloway, Scotland, to William and Agnes Brown Burnes. Like his father, Burns was a tenant farmer. However, toward the end of his life he became an excise collector in Dumfries, where he died in 1796; throughout his life he was also a practicing poet. His poetry…
www.poetryfoundation.org
Central Park statue.
Laughing Grass
Well-Known Member
Going all intellectual on us.Robert Burns | Poetry Foundation
Robert Burns was born in 1759, in Alloway, Scotland, to William and Agnes Brown Burnes. Like his father, Burns was a tenant farmer. However, toward the end of his life he became an excise collector in Dumfries, where he died in 1796; throughout his life he was also a practicing poet. His poetry…
NotTheRobot
Well-Known Member
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that hangs on the wall?
A. Art
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the back of a pick up truck ?
A. Phil
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake?
A. Bob
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs in the middle of a field?
A. Ground beef.
A. Art
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the back of a pick up truck ?
A. Phil
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake?
A. Bob
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs in the middle of a field?
A. Ground beef.
lokie
Well-Known Member
NotTheRobot
Well-Known Member
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
I heard this story long ago presented as true.
A teacher was trying to teach her eighth grade how to remember the name of Robert Burns. The mnemonic she suggested was a London cop on fire: “Bobby burns”.
A timid hand rose near the back. “Miss Fraser?”
Yes, Susie?
“… How do we know it is not Robert Browning?”
OutdoorOpps
Active Member
A seismic lab send a telegram to a city's Mayor:
- In the next days there will be a seismic movement STOP Please tell us where is gonna be the epicenter STOP And till where is gonna go in the ritcher scale STOP
Weeks, months, and no answer, finally when the lab almost forgot it, they have the answer:
- Eartquake is disjointed STOP Epi and his family killed STOP We can't find Ritcher STOP We din't answer before because there was a devastating eartquake STOP
- In the next days there will be a seismic movement STOP Please tell us where is gonna be the epicenter STOP And till where is gonna go in the ritcher scale STOP
Weeks, months, and no answer, finally when the lab almost forgot it, they have the answer:
- Eartquake is disjointed STOP Epi and his family killed STOP We can't find Ritcher STOP We din't answer before because there was a devastating eartquake STOP
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Nixs
Well-Known Member
That must've been St. Olaf's Mayor
NotTheRobot
Well-Known Member
I’ve just spent my life savings on a cannabis farm.
The agent assured me it’s a growth industry.
Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory
Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?
Q: What do you call cannabis plants that grow in 1 day?
A: insta-pot
The agent assured me it’s a growth industry.
Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory
Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?
Q: What do you call cannabis plants that grow in 1 day?
A: insta-pot
Just Be
Well-Known Member
Lee and Larry were a couple of skid row winos that woke up one morning without anything to drink. Between the two of them, they only had 30 cents which was not even enough to buy a bottle rubbing alcohol. Eventually, Larry came up with the idea to spend the 30 cents on a hotdog at the local deli. Larry told Lee his plan.. "We'll go into bars and drink until the bartender asks us to pay the tab at which point I'll unzip my fly, release the hot dog and then you'll get on your knees and start sucking on it. Surely, this will outrage the bartender and we'll get thrown out of the bar before we have a chance to pay." ..Lee was a little apprehensive but decided to go along with the plan. They managed to drink their fill at seven or eight bars when Lee told Larry.. "Ya know, this was a great plan but my knees are starting to hurt from having to get down on my knees all of the time." ..At which point, Larry replied.. "How do you think I feel, we lost the hot dog after the second bar!"
The above tale is based on my memory of my junior high delvings into the "Truly Tasteless Joke Book" series.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Nutty sKunK
Well-Known Member
My dad told me this joke and thought it was amusing. For some lol
A guy walks into a pub and orders a pint and a pie. Drinks the pint puts the pie on his head and walks out.
This goes on for several days until finally the barman thinks ‘I’m gonna get him this time round’
So the man walks into the pub and asks for a pint and a pie. The barman says ‘we don’t have any pies only crisps’. So the man drinks his pint puts the packet of crisps on his head and walks out.
‘Hold on a minute there’ says the barman. ‘Why did you put those packet of crisps on your head?!’
‘Because you don’t have any pies’…
well I thought it was rather amusing lol
A guy walks into a pub and orders a pint and a pie. Drinks the pint puts the pie on his head and walks out.
This goes on for several days until finally the barman thinks ‘I’m gonna get him this time round’
So the man walks into the pub and asks for a pint and a pie. The barman says ‘we don’t have any pies only crisps’. So the man drinks his pint puts the packet of crisps on his head and walks out.
‘Hold on a minute there’ says the barman. ‘Why did you put those packet of crisps on your head?!’
‘Because you don’t have any pies’…
well I thought it was rather amusing lol
Laughing Grass
Well-Known Member
raratt
Well-Known Member
Or in the river, or on a car hood, or under the stars...
lokie
Well-Known Member
In public is exhilarating
Grandpapy
Well-Known Member
On the top level of 7 story parking garage in downtown SF, in a convertible of course.In public is exhilarating